#仅需一本最后预测5套题即可享受最后一个月的免费修改作文服务# 世纪高教图书专营店

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存在的问题：在一些语法，句子结构方面仍有欠缺，例如单复数的运用，专用名词的表达，例如社会主义接班人用英文怎么表达等，这一阶段逻辑上的衔接是不错的。总分20分，得13分。

老师麻烦您帮我改的时候可以用不同颜色可以吗？真的很感谢您
——同学，我用“审阅”修改的，虽然字的颜色一样，但标识还是很清晰的。不用客气啊。考研加油！Fighting！

In the above picture, one man is crossing a narrow bridge, namely seeking employment , who opens his arms to keep balance[with his arms open to keep balance(原定语从句距被修饰词one man过远)]. While the other, carries[carrying] a heavy basket filled with books , chooses to climbing[climb] the postgraduate entrance exam mountain[the mountain which represents the postgraduate entrance exam]，with a rope in his hand. This drawing depicts a thought-provoking phenomenon. University graduates, [are(原句缺少谓语，切记句子结构要完整)]now with greater employment pressure and in face of a steeper social ladder.
Seemingly, the picture is aimed to warn us that students are under fierce competition and huge pressure though[换成but或置于句尾chosen life之后，并用逗号隔开], they should follow their interest and advance bravely along with their chosen life. However, a lot of graduates think poorly of themselves and despairs [despair]of being a qualified successor of the socialism[“合格的社会主义接班人”这样的表述太中国特色了。。。建议换成“achieving success in the society或realizing their dreams”这样较为轻松的表述。]. Understandably, University graduates, now without the glory of the intellectual elites, are facing an uncertain future and be[删除，worried与facing功用谓语are] worried about facing[tackling（避免facing的重复使用）] all kinds of challenges. In fact, the opportunity and challenge can coexist.
Numerous examples can demonstrate it. For instance, despite[despite of（despite后接从句）] the fierce competition, students believing in themselves often excel in the postgraduate entrance exam. Another example is about Yuan zi wen, a[an] undergraduate of the Beijing University, who sell[sells] facial masks in the taobao.com[建议稍作解释（e-commerce platform of Taobao)], because of the good service and excellent occupation[operation], he has gained a big profit and has his own company. Therefore, students should follow their heart, choose careers they are interested in and then achieve it with diligence.[点赞，写的很好]

评分：13分/20 （词汇量很丰富，逻辑也很清晰。语法还有进一步提高的空间，避免低级错误）

Dear Mr. President,
I am an undergraduate student majoring in automation of our university. I am writing this letter to propose how to improve students' physical condition.
First,exercise ,such as playing basketball,swimming and so forth,is necessary for college student to make us（前面既然提到了college student这里再说us就重复了，建议将make us改为become） stronger and more energetic.This outweighs all other considerations（这个地方other considerations建议稍微说一下，不然评卷者不知所云）. Second,sufficient sleep is indispensable for college student.（此处建议说一下充足睡眠的好处，使建议更有力度）
I would like to express my appreciation for your consideration of my proposal and I hope that will be useful to you（标黄部分可以删除，文末表达你对校长考虑建议的感谢就够了，不需多言）.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
得分：6
评语：文章的分析不够深入，只是提了两点建议，而没有说明为什么提这两点建议（即锻炼和充足睡眠有什么好处，为什么提这两点而不是其他等等），建议仔细研究黄宝书上的范文，并背诵几篇，对写作有所助益。

评价：该同学一开始发送修改的小作文时，写的内容比较空翻，不具体，应该是在思路上还未把握住，训练几篇之后，尤其是11月4日发来的小作文，在写作上基本达到了题目的要求，读的时候让老师觉得言简意赅，很不错，老师给了7分。